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nickymenzies
United Kingdom
1 Posts |
 Posted - 29/03/2008 : 17:54:21
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Re: Saturday Telegraph:
Unless your children are totally insensitive, they will have noticed your dog's decline and possible distress. If not, then they will probably not care what you do, but it is worth pointing it out. Then can follow a discussion about how animals can be helped out of their pain.
In my area, our vets always come out to our houses if asked.
My children chose not to be there when our dog was put down ( they were 10 and 8), but we wanted them to have positive memories so we left him curled up in his bed, so when they came in they could see how he really looked at peace, and not in the distressed state he was in when they left. They could then say their goodbyes, before we took him away for cremation.
A son of a friend of mine asked to stay, and our wonderful vets gently sedated the dog, left him to stroke it until it was practically unconscious and then put it down. Most vets are wonderful in this area, and my children did not understand how this could not be done to my Grandmother - but that is another area for discussion!! It was the first death our children experienced, and although incredibly sad, very positive. Indeed their only real distress ( I found out later), was my distress when his body was taken away. My son who is now 13 said I howled like he had never heard before. Whoops - purely instinct on my behalf. Anyway, we then got our lovely new dog who is now 3 and life continues... |
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Blaxter
1 Posts |
Posted - 31/03/2008 : 22:51:53
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| As a child therapist who sees the effects of traumatic loss regularly, I think there are two main issues here. One is that you may be depriving the children of a chance to say goodbye and make their own ending in their own way - it is their dog, too. If feelings of loss and pain are not acknowledged at the time and dealt with, there is the possibility of them jumping out or fuelling some other difficult event later. Please don't try to avoid their sadness. Secondly, if you are found to have been deceitful (as you surely will!), you will become the target of their anger. They may not be able to express this directly, so it may come out in other ways that you will definitely not like. Better all round to gird up your loins and tackle this together as a family. |
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Lepidina
United Kingdom
2 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2008 : 11:03:26
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We went through this a couple of years ago when my son was 10 and our cat had to be put to sleep. We explained to him that she was old and was unwell, which he could see for himself. He had a chance to say good which was important. I think it is vital that children learn about death as sooner or later they are going to lose relatives. Explaining the process with pets provides a valuable, and somewhat gentler, lesson.
Lepidina |
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ranest
United Kingdom
1 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 00:02:18
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Definately prepare them. My mother could never bring herself to discuss this, so a feature of childhood was returning from school, looking for hamster, cat, dog, pony and finding it gone. She even did it with out father - seriously - they were divorced, but he had recently delivered my older sister, aged 15 to a German family on language exchange holiday. She wouldn't have the trip spoiled or cut short, so my sister returned home to be told Sorry,Dad was dead and buried! As a consequence, we all include our children in these discussions.
I recommend the books "Goodbye Mog" by Judith Kerr for younger children and for older "Ways to Live Forever" by Sally Nicholls, which, while dealing with the death of a child provides ample discussion points of death and dying.
Also, do be prepared for the fact that the children may be totally unconcerned. After all, the dog is probably rather boring these days, and hasn't chased a ball in years. The news that he will soon die may prompt nothing more than and argument over breed and ownership of next puppy! |
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Genghis-Pa
United Kingdom
7 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 14:10:36
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You will no doubt find that you are much more upset about this than your children. As a "family expert" I would expect you to have worked out it is your reaction that will set the tone of how the children react. Nothing wrong with a few tears, but don't let it get out of hand. Keep it in proportion - people are much more important than dogs(and in my opinion so are cars).
I'd rather be playing golf!
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Edited by - Genghis-Pa on 02/04/2008 14:12:11 |
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Pegs
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 14:22:53
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In 2002 I gave our (then) 13-year-old son the choice about what to do in the same situation. He chose to come with me to the vets, but his version is that I made him (I absolutly didn't, as witnessed by his Grandmother). He says it "OK but a bit crap" - I'm so glad we pay for his education! The main legacy is that he teases his younger sisters over our current dog.
"You wait till its old and mum makes you watch it die" he will throw at them in passing as they cuddle their adored spaniel. I don't think he was traumatised. He is just an adolescent boy who likes to make mischief and has a (not uncommon) black sense of humour. Ever since I reversed the car into a bollard he carries a homemade will in his school bag which he waves at anyone we give a lift too.
Whatever you do you will worry it was the wrong thing. Your children will survive and in my opinion owning a dog is worth this temporary trauma.
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jsygurl
3 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2008 : 22:20:05
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My Mum used to "protect" us from the sadness of losing a dog by disposing of it whilst we were at school, with some unconvinving explanation of where it had gone. What a child realises from this is that the parent does not want to know how they feel. So I went through a lot of grieving on my own.
When our dog had to be put down we explained everything to the children, simply, slowly, parcels of information at a time, and gave them the choice about attending. We explained exactly what would happen. My son (9) chose not to, my daughter (11) chose to attend. And it was hard - but she brings her tears to us. She knows that we are in this toghether, that we share her grief. |
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aughrafilly
United Kingdom
2 Posts |
Posted - 17/04/2008 : 10:46:44
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I have not yet experienced the loss of a child's pet, but as a mother of 4 children and 5 pets it's only a matter of time. I can however give a view from the other side of the examination table. In my work as a vet I have come across this situation many times. My advice would be to be completely open with your family and involve them in the proces as much or as little as they want.
Have a chat with your own vet about what to expect at the surgery before you broach the subject with them. This will help prepare you for their many questions. Children often (usually, in fact) are less affected by this than their parents, and I have never had anyone tell me they were traumatised as a child by seeing their pet put to sleep, but have lost count of the number who resent their parents twenty or thirty years later for not having let them say goodbye. |
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JobMatchNow
2 Posts |
Posted - 15/05/2008 : 23:17:07
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| The best thing to do before a pet dies is prepare your children for what is going to happen. The best way to help children cope with the death of a pet is simply just replace it with another similar pet, don't replace the animal right away wait about two weeks so that they can have time to get over the death of the pet you don't want to bring in an animal to soon because yo u don't want you kids to reject the new pet. |
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Old dog (Daily Telegraph Question)
