Is Your Room Tidy? The advent of the cordless phone handset has raised tensions in our house – it gets taken into the our daughter’s bedroom and then disappears under the general tide of rubbish. Even I had to see the funny side when, in order to find all three of our cordless phones, I had to stand in my daughter’s bedroom and ring our home number from my mobile. Jennie ~ 2 daughters (12 & 15 yrs) My youngest is the worst, by far the worst. I’ve tried doing the tiding with her and trying to make it a fun time spent together – that didn’t work. I’ve tried persuading her that if she does a little bit at a time it won’t get into such a mess – that didn’t work. Currently we are trying the “leaving it entirely and not saying anything and seeing when she can’t stand it any longer” approach – but guess what that isn’t working either. My next tactic is to tell her she can’t have anyone to play, or stay the night, because we won’t be able to actually get them into her bedroom. Ruth ~ 1 son & 2 daughters ( 9,11 & 12 yrs) At some point, often towards the end of their time at primary school, what our children eat seems to become less of an issue; but sadly that might be because as a cause of stress, it has to make way for the lurking, slavering, conflict generating monster that is the state of your child’s bedroom. Sadly we’ve had to come to the conclusion that this is mostly a Mum thing. Some Dads do get stirred by an untidy room but on the whole, in the families we have interviewed, it’s mothers who are turned into resentful, frustrated, gibbering wrecks by untidy bedrooms. Below we’ve collected some of the best ideas from families who seem to have some success with keeping bedrooms at least clean and tidy enough not to be classed a health hazard. However, we would be dishonest if we didn’t own up and say this is one of the hardest issues to solve: family after family have admitted that untidy bedrooms cause too much conflict. So some of the points below focus on how you can change your expectations or reactions to reduce the negative effect this issue can have on family life When I was young I remember my Mum getting very depressed about the state of our house. In my early teens she tried really hard but later she seemed to just give up. By the time I was in my late teens I was ashamed to have friends round because the house was in such a state – the kitchen was just piled up with junk. I always meant to ask her if she did this on purpose. Susie ~ 2 daughters & 1 son (9, 12 & 14 yrs) Tidiness is a really big issue as I live in a house full of untidy people and I am really tidy. Two things that really wind me up are people leaving things on the floor and anyone who leaves CDs, tapes and DVDs out of their covers. These things cost a fortune and they get ruined. Fiona ~ 2 daughters (8 &12 yrs) I had two older boys close in age who shared a room and there was always battles. One liked models so he would have them all over the windowsill, his elder brother was tidy but clumsy and so the models were in permanent peril. It didn’t dawn on me for so long to put the eldest in with my youngest, as they both had similar temperaments, which then left the middle one free to hoard and display his treasured models. It was the perfect solution but it didn’t occur to me for so long - my advice is, if something isn’t working, think hard – the solution may not be the obvious one. Evelyn ~ 3 sons (47, 45 and 41) This may seem obvious but you do need to make sure that the child’s bedroom is set up in such a way that he or she has some chance of keeping it tidy. The chances are your child’s bedroom has evolved over time from its original role as a nursery. You’ll have added and removed furniture and storage and the child’s needs have changed – you may even have added a little brother or sister to the room! So take the time to review the room with an objective eye. Make it as simple as possible for the child to succeed in being tidy by: Labelling drawers and boxes with the contents and making sure drawers and cupboards open and shut easily. Sort though their clothes on a regular basis and remove those which are too small. Help your children tidy through toys and throw or give away any they have grown out of (if they are reluctant to throw things out, try making a pile of ten items and let them chose two to keep – this focuses their energy on what really matters to them). Reduce the number of ornaments and general clutter of items they don’t need – especially on surfaces. Some of the children we interviewed pointed out that parents shouldn't moan at them for leaving things on the floor if the top of the chest of drawers and the window sill are already jam-packed. Ask yourself which of the ornaments in their rooms are there because your child wants them, and which are there because you put them there? Put the things most often used in the most accessible places, put the books most often read low on the book case, not just arranged by size. Keep toy cars, puzzles and games in boxes on the floor or under the bed - after all they tend to be played with on the floor. Don’t overfill things, boxes or drawers that are full are hard for children to manhandle. Think laterally – try keeping school uniform items all together in one drawer rather than split across different drawers of shirts, jumpers and trousers. Watch your child get things out or put them away and work out how you can reduce the time and effort involved. Do they have to pad back and forth across the room while getting dressed? Using transparent storage boxes helps and make sure they have a waste bin in their rooms.
Next we’ve been given some ideas how to teach your children to be tidier: Try and teach them to tidy up as they go along – ensuring they have put their pyjamas away and made their bed every morning is a good start. We all know that children don’t concentrate for long, so break the tidying up into easy and short tasks. For example – get them to pick everything off the floor. Then sort tidy soft toys, then later put pens away etc. Make sure your children understand what you mean by tidy, go through the room with them and point out what matters to you. You may want a tidy bed and bookshelf whereas another parent might focus on neat cupboards or the curtains being drawn back properly. Try being very specific with your instructions – don’t just order them to “tidy your room”. Try saying put your clothes in the washing; empty your bin and make your bed. Do you praise your children when their rooms are OK? If you want them to want to please you, then this is essential. And make the praise “evidence based” tell them exactly why you are happy with them and the state of their bedroom. Don’t tidy their rooms when they are at school – make them help you, children often learn best by imitation. If you are dealing with a very untidy child then change things gradually. As a last resort try “black bagging” – see the quote from Jo below.
I had a work colleague whom I credit with introducing me to “black bagging”. You simply sweep everything up into a black plastic dustbin bag and put it out with the rubbish. Her daughter was so horrified by this that she was never untidy again. She was allowed to rescue her stuff the first time and seemed to decide it wasn’t worth the risk. You’ve got to be willing to go through with it, even if you realise you are potentially throwing away costly possession. I work in a boarding school and I run the same system and parents comment how improved the girls are. I have to tell you that it is very satisfying. Jo ~ 5 children and many "house" children I don’t clean their rooms and I don’t change their beds, my middle daughter has a sign on her door that says “my room, my mess, my business”. I don’t go in and pick up clothes to wash, they put things in the laundry basket themselves or they don’t get washed. When the washing is done I put in piles for each one on a table downstairs and there it will stay until they pick it up and take it upstairs. Fiona ~ 1 son and 3 daughters And finally, don’t talk to your children about the state of their rooms if your own parents are present. You can virtually guarantee that your Mum or your Dad will start reminiscing about how disgusting your own room was! |